My impact is not always good

This is going to be a short entry. Today Noah told me that when I yell at him it makes him sad. My heart completely broke in 2. I had a really bad headache this morning and have for about 2 weeks now, and I just didn't have the patience for crying this morning. It started with me asking him to put his shoes on while I was getting some things gathered for his brother's 8am doctor's appt. 5 minutes later the shoes were not on and Noah was asking me to turn his light on in his room so that he could see his shoes. I promptly responded by letting him know that he didn't need the light on to get his shoes as they were in the exact same place they are every single day. It wasn't an unreasonable request, but the headache didn't want to walk up the stairs to help my sweet little boy. I suck. I asked him to just put his shoes on in the car, and he agreed. About 2 minutes into the car ride I could hear him starting to get worked up because he couldn't get his shoes on. Before he even got into real whining mode, I asked him to stop crying. He stopped the very quiet whining, and then about 20 seconds later it started again, and I again asked him to stop (in a not so nice manner - it wasn't really yelling, but it wasn't very sweet). He said - Mommy - I'm not crying!! It's true - he wasn't - and I could hear in his voice that he was telling me he was trying to be strong and not start crying even though he was very frustrated with his shoes. He completed this conversation by asking me to "please" not yell at him because when i do yell at him it makes him sad. he said this in the most desparate way - and i nearly started sobbing. I profusely apologized and reminded him that I love him infinity. He was okay - but I'm still not. Good thing we are covered by grace. VERY good thing. Sorry family for not taking great care of your amazing grandson, son, nephew, great-nephew today. The rest of the day went much better.